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Dizzying Intellect » Headlines, Redux

Category: Headlines, Redux

Headlines, Redux

Obama coming to downtown Richmond today

Has it been two days already?

Childhood IQ possibly linked to adult alcohol use

Fabulous! (I suspect it’s because you’re smart enough to realize when your life sucks, personally.)

Drinking three cups of coffee a day ’shrinks women’s breasts’

That also explains a lot.

Shriver: Palin, Clinton candidacies normalize idea of women in power

What is she smoking? This is normal? I’m thinking that if I wore a shirt calling my boss a “c*nt” (note: she isn’t) or designed posters of her as a bukkake target, she wouldn’t think it was normal. She’d think I was fired, and probably also that I had a black eye.

Atheists plan ad campaign on side of London buses

What skips down stairs,
alone or in pairs,
and makes a giggling sound?
It’s learned, it’s taught,
a worryless thought!
Everyone knows it’s Atheism.

“A” is for athe “I” is for ism, Cinnamon crunchy Atheism!

My belief system has a first name, it’s A-t-h-e-i…

No?

AP presidential poll: All even in the homestretch

Don’t. Give. Up. People.

Headlines, Redux

Clinton: ‘I get why Palin is hot’

We had this discussion over Gina Gershon, sweetie. Out. Of. Your. League.

CEO Bludgeoned to Death in India by Fired Employees

This is why you fire people on Friday.

Clay Aiken: “I’m Gay”

Gay schmay. Get a freakin’ haircut, Aunt Bea.

Dodd: Hold Your Horses on the Bailout Plan

Translation: We need the economy to suck for just six more weeks, ok?

Obama campaign reducing television ad spending in Missouri by 40 percent

Sweet. Go Bellweather!

Headlines, Redux

Renowned U.S. Dancer Ordered to Perform at Israeli Airport to Prove Identity

Meh. You know why El Al has a zero-hijacking record? Profiling.

Internet Hoax Claims Miley Cyrus Killed in Car Accident

Suuuure it’s a hoax. If North Korea can do it, Disney can do it better.

Thai PM Forced to Resign Over TV Cooking Show

Now that’s how you work a scandal.

Obama gaffe reignites Muslim rumor

Well, that’s one way to steal the spotlight back from Sarah, I guess.

Bride-to-be in hospital after swallowing a one-inch nail in her Tesco Value macaroni cheese

Maybe look into chewing, honey.