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Dizzying Intellect » Holidaze

Category: Holidaze

Twenty Bucks

So Crow and I were at Petsmart this morning, and as we were walking out, I saw a credit card lying on the ground in the parking lot. I went, “Hmmm. That’s not good.” So I picked it up and, not seeing anyone around who was looking for it, stuck it in my pocket.

I was going to call the credit card company, but then I figured the guy would be worrying, and he’d have to wait for the new card, yadda, etc. So I googled him (unusual name) and called to let him know I had it. His wife made a big fuss over what a saint I am (HA!), and he verified the card number and lender over the phone, and I told him where he could meet me.

Anyway, when we met, I had him show me his ID, and I gave him the card back. And then he forced twenty bucks on me. I tried to convince him to give it to the Humane Society or something, but he wouldn’t hear it, and it got awkward, so I took it.

Now I can’t spend it, you know. There was only one civil option and I took it, and I can’t take money for that. So I ask you. What should I do with the twenty bucks?

Run In Circles, Scream and Shout

So, Happy 2009!

Predictions? Good or bad? Any resolutions?

Hee.

I know, I’m going to hell for laughing.

But it’s Archie McPhee. It’s intentionally obtuse.

Il est ne, le divin enfant

Merry Christmas, everyone. And a semi-belated Happy Hanukkah.

Have a safe, lovely, and joyous one. And give your loved ones an extra hug. I have to spend this one alone (preparing for a legal matter next Monday), and really? It kinda bites.

xoxo,
Tanya

Brrrr.

Brrr

We need some global warming
Icicles are swarming
Al Gore’s at the window
His theories he’s reforming

Yes we need some global warming
To stop the frostbite forming

We need some global warming NOW.

[I'm here all week. Tip your waitstaff.]

Also, can somebody tell me how to train a dog to pee in the bathtub? Thanks.

In Other News

Lalala. Changing the subject.

Here’s a Christmas tune for you. No Doubt’s version of Oi To The World. I had no idea there was a video for this song — check out how adorably young they are here.

And tell me that “They went back to the pub where they bought each other bourbon” isn’t the best line ever in a Christmas song.

[Meh. No embedding. Here's the link.]

Better

It’s been a rough week, which shouldn’t be much of a shock if you know me.

But it’s all better now. Someone left a Chick Tract on my windshield, and improved my whole day. These things are like honey dipped in chocolate, with a dreamsicle chaser.

This one’s called “Top 20 Reasons You’re Going to Roast In Hell For All Eternity, You Demon-Fellating Sinner (Merry Christmas!)”


(Click for full size and legible)

I don’t know why they make it so easy to mock them. I mean, why draw the guy naked, for pete’s sake? Much less naked and clutched tightly against the torso of huge sweaty angel?

Nobody’s going to get anything accomplished tomorrow anyway, so maybe I’ll take it to work and see about rewriting the whole thing. Between panic attacks.

Sadly Obligatory

This is becoming an epidemic.

Anti-religion Sign Joins Nativity Scene, ‘Holiday Tree’ in Washington State Capitol

An atheist group has unveiled an anti-religion placard in the state Capitol, joining a Christian Nativity scene and “holiday tree” on display during December.

The atheists’ sign was installed Monday by Washington members of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, a national group based in Madison, Wis.

With a nod to the winter solstice — the year’s shortest day, occurring in late December — the placard reads, in part, “There is only our natural world. Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.”

I already said this in the comments at another blog, but I think it bears saying again:

Later that afternoon, the group went, uninvited, to Rebecca Smith’s fifth birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese and displayed another placard: “Today is not my birthday. Given the state of the world, I may not live to see my next birthday. Therefore Becky isn’t allowed to have these presents.”

These crazy, bitter extremists don’t represent the vast majority of (grown-up) atheists in this country.

Most of us just don’t have the faith required to be a believer, for one reason or another, and think it would be disingenuous and insulting of us to fake it. But we love it when you tell us Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or Blessed Yule, because you’re wishing the joy of your holiday on us. The spirit of the season may be secular for us, but we certainly don’t deny that it exists. We smile at strangers and call our families and give to charity more at this time of year, just like you do. And we certainly don’t want to take away your sparkly trees and menorahs and crèches, because they’re lovely and cheerful, and we like that they make you happy, and they definitely don’t “harden your heart.”

But I suspect you’ll believe the crazies who always make the nightly news, instead of me.

And so be it. I tried.

Happy Easter!

EasterBunnyIssues.JPG

And for the rabid atheists out there who get mortally offended by such wishes…. Quit it! You’re embarrassing me! (Eat a cadbury creme egg, you’ll feel better.)

Cry, and the world laughs at you

I usually take my tree down on Epiphany (yes, today is the 12th Day of Christmas), but this year it’s staying up for a few more days.

Because I picked up my last ornament last night, and she needs a few days on the tree before I put her away for the year…

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