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Dizzying Intellect » 2007» March

It’s not beautiful, you freak.

As silly and hippie-dippyish as this sounds, it sounds like bliss to me.

CNN: City Bans Plastic Grocery Bags

Of course it’s San Francisco. Just to make me sound like Natalie Maines.

See, I have a pathological hatred of plastic grocery bags. That scene in American Beauty makes me twitch like a Parkinsons victim. The fact that I have to take them — paper grocery bags without handles make absolutely no sense — just makes it worse. But at least I recycle them, religiously.

My house is on a very heavily wooded double lot, but I live in an urban area. So any time there’s a heavy windstorm, my trees all end up littered with dozens of ratty plastic grocery bags stuck on the branches like some kind of deranged Tobacco Road Christmas. And they’re full size trees, so I can’t get them down. So my beautiful house and yard look conspiculously white trash until the next big storm.

And then I end up having to break the windshields of every passing jackass that tosses their trash into my street, and that just takes so much TI-I-I-I-I-IME. You see my problem.

So tree-hugging as it is, if my city did this, I would personally kiss my mayor.

(Besides, they’re make from petroleum products. Doesn’t that mean there would be more gas for my SUV?)

When thou prayest, enter into thy closet –Matthew 6:6

Hmmmm. Fred Thompson is that far right, but he’s not a biblethumper? I could learn to like this guy.

(Yes, I know he’s a xtian, and I have no problem with a xtian president. But I’m over the current proselytizing, thanks.)

Don’t Want No Abba Zabba, Don’t Want No Almond Joy

Actually, I do sort of want an Abba Zabba…

He’s appeared on pancakes, toast and baking sheets, but for his next heavenly engagement, Jesus Christ has turned to chocolate.

On April 1, artist Cosimo Cavallaro will unveil a 6-foot-tall, anatomically correct rendering of Jesus in milk chocolate at a midtown Manhattan hotel.

Of course, what will make this one-week appearance truly miraculous is if Jesus doesn’t melt.

(Pour him over ice cream for a nice parfait.)

It is scheduled to appear on April 1st, so this could easily be a prank, but if not, I can’t imagine this not offending a whole lot of people. And I don’t even want to know what “anatomically correct” means.

Schadenfreude for $1000, Alex

I’m not proud.

Five Dead After Sewage Floods Gaza Town

An earth embankment around a sewage reservoir collapsed Tuesday, spewing a river of waste and mud that killed five people and forced residents to flee from a village in the northern Gaza Strip, officials said.

A 2004 U.N. report warned that the sewage facility was at maximum capacity and flooding was inevitable unless a new waste treatment plant was constructed. It said the effluent lake was a breeding ground for mosquitoes and waterborne diseases, posing a serious health hazard.

But why didn’t they fix the facility, since they knew for over two years that it was going to overflow?

Umm Naser is about 300 yards from the border with Israel in an area where Palestinians have frequently launched rockets into Israel, and Israeli artillery and aircraft have fired back.

Oh, right. Palestinians can’t stop attacking Israel, even when their lives depend on it.

Darwinism at its finest.

The Israeli army offered humanitarian assistance to help clean up the spill. There was no word on whether the offer had been accepted.

Any wagers on what their response to this undeservedly kind offer will be? Anyone?

Cancer Sucks

Elizabeth Edwards and Tony Snow both hit again in the same week? Awful.

I’m not religious, but my best wishes and hopes for health and recovery to both of them.

Why I Hate People, chapter 436

Why do they get me started?

BERLIN, Germany (AP) — Berlin Zoo’s abandoned polar bear cub Knut looks cute, cuddly and has become a front-page media darling, but an animal rights activist insisted Monday he would have been better off dead than raised by humans.

When Knut was born last December, his mother ignored him and his brother, who later died. Zoo officials intervened, choosing to raise the cub themselves.

“If a polar bear mother rejected the baby, then I believe the zoo must follow the instincts of nature,” Albrecht said. “In the wild, it would have been left to die.”

I’m not even going to question the logic behind a group of morons demanding the death of a healthy bear cub, calling themselves “animal rights activists.”

But they clearly don’t understand the very concept of zoos. They are by definition not the wild, and the animals are never returned to the wild, to which they become completely unsuited. Zoos are built for the sole purpose of keeping animals alive and safe. Killing? Not so much.

But people with this lack of common sense would definitely have died in the wild. Drowned the first time it rained, in all likelihood. So I suggest we euthanize them. For their own sake.

Update 3/20: Hot Air has video. Surely nothing that cute deserves to live. (It’s even cute how the reporter says Knu-u-u-ut, drawing it out to about eight seconds) Beware!

No Good Answer

Oy.

A British Airways passenger travelling first class has described how he woke up on a long-haul flight to find that cabin crew had placed a corpse in his row.

Paul Trinder, who awoke to see the body at the end of his row, last week described the journey as “deeply disturbing”, and complained that the airline dismissed his concerns by telling him to “get over it”.

“She kept slipping under the seatbelt and moving about with the motion of the plane. When I asked what was going on I was shocked to hear she was dead.”

The woman’s daughter and son-in-law arrived soon after and began grieving. Trinder said: “It was terrifying. I put my earplugs in but couldn’t get away from the fact that there was a woman wailing at the top of her voice just yards away.

The airline is refusing to give him any compensation at all, and telling him to get over it. After he was forced to sit next to a decaying corpse for five hours.

I think they should refund his money at least, if not offer him free flights - especially since he was flying first class. You pay thousands of dollars to fly flirst class overseas, specifically so you don’t have to deal with crowds and elbows and loud people and crying babies and… dead bodies.

Yeesh.

Maybe not anyone but Hillary

CNN.com - Trump For President?

Yeah, that’d be fun. Admittedly, he’d be great for the economy. He does have a way with money. On the other hand, he completely batshit crazy.

Trifles, I know.

How many days would he be in office before he spouted “Iranians are fat, lesbian vampires” or “North Koreans are ugly psychotic liars,” and got us nuked? Three days? Five? Call it a week?

He’s entertaining, yes, but he has zero impulse control. At least Dubya has handlers.

Unrivaled kindness

I’m not a big “feel good” story junkie, but this is pretty cool.

A television news anchor donated a kidney to his friend — a colleague at a rival station.

Palmer, who has been with KABC since 1998, told viewers Tuesday that Davis had no shortage of friends willing to help.

“Friends of his lined up to get tested just to see if they could be a living donor, and by giving Dale a kidney also give him a chance at returning to a normal life.

Not just a good guy, but a good guy to a business rival. And in Los Angeles, no less.

Both men are doing just fine.

Wading vs Jumping

I’m not going to go into a whole lot of depth on this - and prove myself an idiot - but I do have one serious question:

In physics, time is described as a dimension much like length, width, and height. When you travel from your house to the grocery store, you’re traveling through a direction in space, making headway in all the spatial dimensions—length, width and height. But you’re also traveling forward in time, the fourth dimension.

Mathematically one can go backwards or forwards in the three spatial dimensions. But time doesn’t share this multi-directional freedom.

“In this four-dimensional space-time, you’re only able to move forward in time,” Liu told LiveScience.

This makes sense to me; you can only go one direction through time. But it’s the difference between wading against chest-high, rushing water — and jumping off a platform into chest-high, rushing water .

Of course the former is going to be nearly, if not completely, impossible. You can’t push hard enough to go against the current. But why bother if there’s a diving board? Then you can hop right in where you want to be, and thereafter continue to follow the normal flow.

I don’t think anyone who’s daydreaming or working to make this a possibility, expects to watch people walk and talk in reverse, the autumn leaves fall back onto the trees, or the mountains un-erode into higher shapes, outside the time machine windows. Do they?