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Dizzying Intellect » 2008» May

Good Hearts

So I was driving back from the range just now, and I was almost home when I saw a turtle in the road. I swerved to avoid him, and then — since it was late Saturday morning and there was very little traffic — and this will surprise no one — I stopped the truck, got out, picked up the turtle, and carried him off to the side of the road.

Note: I’ve heard that you have to take them in the same direction that they’re going, or they’ll just keep crossing. That they have an almost magnetic sense of direction. Anyway, there’s a little stream down that way, so I figured that’s where he was headed.

The thing that did surprise me? When I turned back around, there was an suv stopped behind me (she could easily have gone around). She rolled down her window, and yelled with a smile, “I was just going to do exactly the same thing!” Then she waved and drove off.

Can I just tell you how odd that is in this city? I’m going to be smiling all day, thinking of one good-hearted person in this town.

Fun’s Over

Ok, look.

Mexican farmers replace tequila plant with corn

We have to save the planet. I get it. We need to get off the Middle Eastern oil. Of course we do. But this isn’t funny anymore.

Ethanol demand has doubled corn prices, making it more profitable than agave.

[A]bout one-quarter of those who grow agave, which is used in the production of tequila, are expected to burn their fields to make way for corn, as prices have nearly doubled from what they were a year ago, due to US ethanol demand.

What does it profit a man, if he saves the world and pays less for fuel, yet he can’t celebrate these victories without blessed tequila?

I ask you.

Rocket Science

I slept badly for the third night in a row, and while I’m not a caffeine drinker, I knew it was going to be a matter of life or death. Or at least coherent thought. So I stopped at McDonalds for coffee on the way to work.

I asked if they had “cold coffee” and the guy replied that they had iced coffee, so I asked for iced coffee with no ice. I can’t stand watered-down drinks. It’s a thing with me. So I wait my ten minutes in the drive-thru line, and get to the window, and the woman tries to hand me a drink filled with ice. I told her that I ordered it without ice, so she rolled her eyes, walked away, and came back ten seconds later with a new drink for me.

It looks like iced coffee, but it’s 8000°F, and it’s in the same damn clear plastic cup!

I guess they didn’t have any cups that were actually radioactive. They’d taken so long (and I’d already paid), that I just had to accept it and leave. But not only could I not drink it to wake myself up, but I couldn’t even touch the stupid cup, it was so hot. Twenty minutes later, walking from my car into the office, I had to stop every five steps and switch drink/laptop hands, it was burning my fingers so badly. I can’t believe it didn’t melt the plastic.

Now I understand that McDonalds sucks (so badly that they have to steal Chik-Fil-A’s recipe, apparently) and that people with IQs higher than 75 cost too much to employ. But does it really require that much thought to know that coffee so hot that it requires a warning label doesn’t go in plastic?

That’s why those funny little insulated cups are marked “coffee.”

(On the other rare occasions that I’ve needed morning coffee, Burger King has always managed ice-free iced coffee without doing anything mind-blowing jackasstastic. So I know it can be done.)

More Weddings

Gay Rights Advocates Score Wins in N.Y., Calif.

This is a much bigger deal to me than the California decision, and a bigger surprise. My best friend’s gay, and he lives in New York. Yeah. Now, he’s a lot like me, in a whole lot of ways, and I know he doesn’t exactly aspire to getting married (like me), but he’s also a much better catch than I would be.

Anyway, now he can. He comes from a big family, and he’s the youngest, and I know his parents would like to see him married and cared for and all that. Even though their Catholicism battles with the concept.

The fact that NY is only recognizing out-of-state marriages (not allowing them in-state) is a bummer, but it’s a good start. Who wants to get married in boring old New York anyway? I’m advocating Spain. Because (a) it’s legal, and (b) Majorca. Come on:

majorca.bmp

Even I’d go there, and I’ve been known to sunburn indoors.

Notes

1. Has anyone tried a Neti Pot? I’m guessing no, but y’all surprise me sometimes. Two of the DJs on the radio here use them, and they’re making it seem… sensible.

2. I have a girl crush on Larissa Kelly. I loved her voice from the first day, but man, every time she says “I’ll bet $8000, Alex,” my heart goes pitter pat.

3. Also, Daniel Dae Kim. My gosh, he’s hot. Anyone watching the new Andromeda Strain?

4. I could never figure out why it seemed like I had so many more leaves to rake than other people, in the fall. Yeah. This is my house on Google Maps. Now I get it:

trees.bmp

Right, Left, Right, Left? Nope.

I don’t have much to add to this, I just find it intriguing.

Mystery deepens as 4th severed foot found

Another severed human foot has been discovered washed ashore on Canada’s Pacific coast, but police are no closer to solving the gruesome mystery.

The foot, still wearing a shoe, was discovered on Thursday on a small uninhabited island south of Vancouver in the Strait of Georgia, and is the fourth discovered in the region in the past 10 months.

The previous cases all involved right feet still in sneakers, and each was found on a different island.

Four right feet. No lefts. Crazy.

I can hardly wait until they learn more (I’m sure the Vancouver police feel the same way, in spades). This just fascinates me.

Ray Bradbury Would Be Proud

I had no idea the Martian pole was so suburban.

marslanding.jpg
(screenshot from FoxNews.com)

On the other hand, I question their definition of “softly.”

Gift With Purchase

Hey now.

Missouri Car Dealer Offers Free Gun With Car Purchase

I wonder if it’s a nice one? (I kind of have a crush.)

Kidding. I’m holding out for a convertible hybrid, heaven forbid any automaker wises up and creates one (I’m looking at you, Saturn). Also, it’s “$250 toward either a gun purchase or gasoline,” and I’d imagine most people would take the gas.

Notes

1. I thought David A. stole the show last night, even though he annoys the crap out of me. I almost think David C. might have realized that a Clive Davis album might not be in his best interest, and thrown the competition. Probably not consciously, but while his voice sounded great, he certainly didn’t do what he knew would make him win.

But you know what? DialIdol’s calling it for David Cook. By a landslide. Not just on their calculated score, but on the GeoPredictions, which have consistently been much more accurate. (I don’t think this counts as a spoiler since the site is only about 65% accurate and doesn’t count text messages…)

2. Remember the kid who auditioned badly for Idol, but said he really wanted to be a celebcaster? And Simon said he’d personally make sure the kid was able to do interviews on the red carpet at the finale? Think he’ll be there? (Update: Chris Bernheisel - Google is your friend)

3. This is painful and humiliating for me to admit, so I’ll do it in an already-cheesy post. I really like that one Miley Cyrus song. The St-st-stutter one. That’s right, I said it. And it was kinda cathartic, actually.

Wheeee!

So, I got my Wii Fit. Yippee!

Weird thing? There were two Wii consoles just sitting on the shelf, asking to be bought. I thought these things were practically impossible to find. (I didn’t hunt for mine either. When I bought it last September, it was on the shelf in the first store I tried.)