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Dizzying Intellect » 2009» January


I know, it’s been a long, lo-o-o-o-o-ong time.

But this winter is kicking my ass, and something had to be done. So the Penguin Wrangler’s back.

You’re welcome.

More Datamancer

You know I’m obsessed with Datamancer.

I am not, however, obsessed with Scrabble. Not my thing, although I’ve been known to play the bastard cousin game with the stacking tiles occasionally. Whatever it’s called.

Anyway. I know others like it, so go see.

Seems like it would be hard to get used to such huge keys (I think they’ve been scaled down a little, but still), but to each his own. It looks cool. And the function keys make me happy.

Close Enough

I don’t check my stats nearly enough, I guess. Maybe they should concern me more than they do, but… eh. Too busy. Anyway. I checked them last night and found this:


I know!

They aren’t dead ringers or anything, but I watched almost the entire first Tamara Taylor season of Bones, thinking she was Rosario Dawson — and wondering why she was doing TV. The main difference is really how they carry themselves. Dawson knows she’s crazy hilarious smoking hot, where Taylor doesn’t seem to realize it at all. So she’s always doing the big cheerful, mom-like smile. Maybe it’s the age difference? I don’t know. If I looked like her/them, I’d be doing the sultry, smoldering stare thing every day, count on it.


This has been maybe the most stressful two days of my entire career — relying on other people to make a deadline is really, really hard for me, and this one was very bumpy. It turned out ok (so far), but only by scrambling. Oof.

Hate scrambling.

Anyway, I can’t believe something just shook me completely out of my funk.

I’m not going to link it, because (a) she’s a not-often-vocal liberal, and (b) if you don’t read her regularly, you really just won’t get it — and she gets enough crazy hate mail without me risking sending her more.

But if you love Heather Dooce (yes, I really do that with bloggers’ names, a la David Treppenwitz, Erica Swirlspice, Heather and Jessica Fug), go look.

(1/27/09 entry, for future reference)

I’ve been back twice, and I still laugh so hard I have tears in my eyes.

More Girl Talk

I had a flat tire on the way to work today. In 15°F weather, with an inch of ice on the ground for me to play slip-n-slide on. Fortunately, I noticed it right before I got on the highway, so I was able to park and call AAA, instead of having it shred at a high rate of speed.

As I dropped it off to have the tire replaced (or patched, they haven’t told me which yet) and prepared to walk the rest of the way to work, in the cold, arriving an hour late — I thought it probably couldn’t get much worse.

Then my boss sends an email hinting that Something Bad™ has happened in my users’ department, and we need to discuss what it means, in terms of my position. (Update: Not nearly as ominous as it sounded. Phew.) Now it really can’t get worse, right?

Guys, just skip it.

Read more »

Giving Up

Huh. T-Shirt Hell is going out of business. And it’s apparently not the economy (I was going to say “I guess maybe this recession thing is real after all” until I read the real reason.)

Some of their stuff is fairly offensive, but it’s funny-offensive. I’ve never seen anything that pissed me off. Well, except the Harry Potter spoiler shirt that came out about three days after book six, but that’s a different kind of offensive.

Anyway, there’s a sale for the last two weeks, and hopefully it’s not just a scam to sell more shirts. I have this (obviously), this (which is out of print), and this (which I sometimes wear to the range when it’s warm enough for short sleeves), and I’ll probably buy a few more.

This cracks me up; and the Pooh, Calvin and Hobbes, and Beaker/Honeydew ones too.

Nerd Humor

I almost never bother to post stuff like this, forwards from family members, but this is exactly the kind of humor that makes me laugh. (I think this may be a combination of multiple years, because some of them are familiar, but others aren’t…)

Here are the winners of this year’s Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.


Literally, I mean. This is really sweet.

Jenna and Barbara Bush wrote a letter to Sasha and Malia Obama, giving advice and their best wishes — as well as recounting some memories of their own, from both administrations. They were seven, Sasha’s age, when Bush 41 took office, and they spent their holidays and vacations at the White House, just like any kids would visit their grandparents.

Sasha and Malia, we were seven when our beloved grandfather was sworn in as the 41st President of the United States. We stood proudly on the platform, our tiny hands icicles, as we lived history. We listened intently to the words spoken on Inauguration Day service, duty, honor. But being seven, we didn’t quite understand the gravity of the position our Grandfather was committing to. We watched as the bands marched by — the red, white, and blue streamers welcoming us to a new role: the family members of a President.

Some of it’s purely fun kid stuff:

– Slide down the banister of the solarium, go to T-ball games, have swimming parties, and play Sardines on the White House lawn. Have fun and enjoy your childhood in such a magical place to live and play.

– When your dad throws out the first pitch for the Yankees, go to the game.

And some is serious advice that they may be a little young to appreciate quite yet. But it’ll click in a couple of years, when it really matters.

Many people will think they know [your father], but they have no idea how he felt the day you were born, the pride he felt on your first day of school, or how much you both love being his daughters. So here is our most important piece of advice: remember who your dad really is.

Read the whole thing. I can’t even imagine such a crazy magical place to be, as a young kid — and some of the mental images they conjure up are really pretty lovely.

Girl Talk

I don’t know if there are many women left around here — I get a few comments from them, here and there. If so, keep reading if you want. I just have a question.

Guys, you can probably skip this one.

Read more »


Ok, I feel better now. This guy always cheers me up.

p.s. - It took me a while to find it, so I’ll link it: You can support Alfonzo here.