Yikes

As some of you know, I’m going to be laid off next year. We’re not sure yet whether it’ll be January-ish or June-ish, but it almost certainly won’t be any later than June.

It’s not personal or anything. Our new owners have been very strict about getting rid of any non-essential software, and my package finally stopped flying under the radar.

Anyway, in preparation, I… took the LSAT on Saturday.

Dude, it’s HARD. And I’m a really good test taker, naturally. Thank god I broke down and took a practice test on Thursday night, because I would have been woefully unprepared. It’s not an aptitude test, per se. It’s mostly logic, plus some reading comprehension, and an essay.

Here’s a sample question (not from my test):

1) Five racing drivers, Alan, Bob, Chris, Don, and Eugene, enter into a contest that consists of 6 races. The results of all six races are listed below:

Bob always finishes ahead of Chris.
Alan finishes either first or last.
Eugene finishes either first or last.
There are no ties in any race.
Every driver finishes each race.

In each race, two points are awarded for a fifth place finish, four points for fourth, six points for third, eight points for second, and ten points for first.

If Eugene finishes two places ahead of Chris in the first race, all of the following will be true EXCEPT:

a. Bob finishes ahead of Don.
b. Chris finishes two places ahead of Alan.
c. Don finishes fourth.
d. Bob finishes immediately behind Eugene.
e. Chris finishes ahead of Bob.

I mean, I love these kinds of puzzles — but doing dozens of them, while being timed? Oy. I think I did ok, though. I used some online software to score the one practice test, and it came out to 157. That sounds pretty awful to me, but then I checked, and the median scores for UCLA and UNC are 162 and 163, respectively. And presumably (hopefully) your first practice test would be the worst score you’d ever get…

Incidentally, is the phrase “ambient darkness” an oxymoron?

Vent? Me?

You know what drives me crazy? Those stickers that you always see in the back windows of minivans, with, like, a soccer ball and the kid’s name. Baseball bat and “Bobby.” Volleyball and “Suzie.”

Hi. Do you think you could make it any easier for a pedophile to grab your kid? Now they don’t have to resort to “Hey kid, wanna see a puppy?” Instead, they can say “Hey, Holly. Your mom’s stuck at work but she asked me to take you to softball practice.” Maybe it only works on one out of ten kids (if it’s not practice day), but is it really worth the risk? Jeez, people.

Then again, I don’t think you should put pictures of your kids on the internet either, so what do I know?

Three Guilty Pleas Expected

It’s been so hard to find news about the pups. But this might be the beginning of the end.

ST. LOUIS — At least three eastern Missouri men arrested in a multistate federal crackdown on illegal dogfighting are expected to plead guilty next week in federal court.

Documents filed in the case and interviews with the men’s attorneys confirmed that Robert Hackman, 55, of Foley; Teddy Kiriakidis, 50, of Leasburg; and Ronald Creach, 34, of Leslie will plead guilty Monday in U.S. District Court in St. Louis.

Co-defendant Michael Morgan, 38, of Hannibal is set for trial Monday in the same court. His attorney did not respond to phone inquiries about whether he also planned to plead.

A grand jury indicted the four, along with Jack Ruppel, 35, of Eldon, on dogfighting conspiracy and other charges this summer in St. Louis. Ruppel pleaded guilty Sept. 4 in federal court in Jefferson City to a conspiracy charge and to selling an animal for a fighting venture. His attorney, Timothy Cisar, said Ruppel pleaded guilty “because he is guilty.”

A sentencing date has not been set.

Twenty-six people were charged and more than 500 dogs, some of them pregnant, were seized in July following federal raids in Missouri, Iowa, Illinois, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Nebraska and Texas.

U.S. attorneys in several states accused them of cruelties that included shooting dogs in the head when they didn’t fight well. None of the other cases have advanced to trials or guilty pleas.

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Hating the Republicans

So it wasn’t bad enough that they spam the hell out of me for donations.

I’ve been getting calls that show up as 1-000-000-0000 on my caller ID for weeks, and ignoring them. I had a shitty day today, so I was finally pissed off enough to answer it. And the first words after verifying my identity are “Hi, this is the Missouri Republican Party. We’d like to…”

Which I interrupted with, “No. You need to get a phone number that registers on caller ID” and hung up.

Seriously, bitches. This is serious. I’m already never giving you another donation. Do it again and you’ll never get another vote from me, either.