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Dizzying Intellect » Tips From Tanya

Tips From Tanya

This has been bugging me for months, and it’s not anyone who reads this site, but I need to get it off my chest:

If you’re going to tell someone a secret? Especially a big, life-altering secret? You might consider letting her know it’s a secret.

Especially if it’s someone who you barely know, and who therefore would have no reason to think you’d ever tell her anything confidential. Much less something importantly confidential.

Otherwise, don’t be surprised when she turns to her best friend to discuss it, who happens to be related to you. Because it’s kind of a big deal.

And she’s likely to feel like shit about it for a long time, even though it’s YOUR fault.

Here endeth the lesson.

8 Comments

  • By radix, December 20, 2008 @ 8:33 am

    Unwanted confidences can be a burden. This person sounds like a user. (take with massive grains of salt)

  • By jw, December 20, 2008 @ 9:22 am

    if told to “someone who you barely know”, it isn’t a “big, life-altering secret”. almost by definition. it is small talk, or gossip. sorry.

  • By Tanya, December 20, 2008 @ 11:15 am

    What in the hell are you smoking? Why would I still feel like a total asshole for accidentally exposing it, six months later, if it was just small talk or gossip?

  • By og, December 20, 2008 @ 1:51 pm

    I literally had almost the exact scenario. I told a friend something in confidence about another friend- but prefaced it by saying “Make sure M never hears this” and she IM’ed me two days later “M was amused by what you said”. and then “I don’t remember you saying not to repeat it”. Damn, if there’s even the SLIGHTEST possiblility it wasn’t to be repeated, even if you Don’t remember the “Make sure M never hears this” bit, why do you shoot off your mouth?

    It wasn’t like it was mission critical or even embarrassing information, or anything, it was information that would benefit the recipient and I thought it nice to pass on. Good lord, people cannot keep their yaps shut.

  • By Tracy, December 20, 2008 @ 10:31 pm

    I can see why you’d feel bad, but I kind of agree with jw, in that - if it’s THAT big of a secret, why share it with somebody who isn’t…like…one of your major confidantes? Totally unfair to put that burden on you.

  • By jw, December 21, 2008 @ 12:32 pm

    uh, that was sort of my point. you have no reason to feel bad about anything. a secret shared, especially with a not-so-close-person, is no longer a secret. it is casual conversation and may be treated as such.

    and i don’t smoke anything.

  • By radix, December 24, 2008 @ 6:45 am

    jw: It’s a Tanya thing. Remember the bit about waiting and holding doors for people? She’s a sometimes snarky, hard-headed techie, but she’s a kind soft-hearted woman underneath. She can’t help but get ahead of herself.

  • By Weetabix, December 26, 2008 @ 2:34 pm

    Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead. You should have killed her right after she told you… or something…

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